so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think my cat just said my name.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
