Will you blow on my dice?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize