From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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