The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
