11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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