he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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