i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
