I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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