She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.