it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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