Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.

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  (810): Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time. http://tfl.nu/rbpy
  Replies (6) Good night (934) Bad night (2088)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Did you send adult things?

  (281): View more from Texas

  Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year

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  (281): He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid (918): Did you send adult things? (281): Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year http://tfl.nu/10tv
  Replies (16) Good night (846) Bad night (3576)
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  (415): View more from California

  I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.

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  (415): I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic. http://tfl.nu/mbng
  Replies (5) Good night (638) Bad night (2617)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see

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  (973): i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see http://tfl.nu/sebi
  Replies (8) Good night (2845) Bad night (576)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.

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  (484): there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself. http://tfl.nu/ays9
  Replies (34) Good night (875) Bad night (6601)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (9) Good night (4640) Bad night (982)
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  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

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  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7745) Bad night (1191)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.

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  (315): I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse. http://tfl.nu/tyw2
  Replies (16) Good night (754) Bad night (4796)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar

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  (913): all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar http://tfl.nu/vsuv
  Replies (1) Good night (2771) Bad night (1296)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"

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  (303): Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional. (970): Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?" http://tfl.nu/doci
  Replies (8) Good night (3459) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Adult decisions.

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  (206): Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility? (206): Adult decisions. http://tfl.nu/m22f
  Replies (3) Good night (1871) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.

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  (651): dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/gquq
  Replies (5) Good night (1517) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.

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  (806): There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night. http://tfl.nu/26q0
  Replies (4) Good night (456) Bad night (927)
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  (530): View more from California

  He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.

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  (530): He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette. http://tfl.nu/s1hb
  Replies (3) Good night (316) Bad night (548)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned

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  (303): Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned http://tfl.nu/2xe6
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (361)

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