Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
