I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall