Texts From Last Night

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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy

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  (318): i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy http://tfl.nu/15j4
  Replies (26) Good night (1352) Bad night (594)
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  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (16021) Bad night (2151)
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  (916): View more from California

  I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"

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  (916): I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences" http://tfl.nu/bi6b
  Replies (16) Good night (4859) Bad night (1447)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.

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  (904): I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/bxd6
  Replies (20) Good night (2910) Bad night (1863)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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  (815): Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool. http://tfl.nu/9aum
  Replies (12) Good night (3109) Bad night (966)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded

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  (406): well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded http://tfl.nu/5ng8
  Replies (3) Good night (1809) Bad night (778)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

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  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
  Replies (10) Good night (912) Bad night (1935)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out

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  (780): I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out http://tfl.nu/rcah
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (426)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.

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  (330): He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet. http://tfl.nu/wg57
  Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (470)
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  (619): View more from California

  My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.

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  (619): My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard. http://tfl.nu/ktvr
  Replies (17) Good night (1387) Bad night (467)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

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  (847): She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid. http://tfl.nu/spee
  Replies (3) Good night (868) Bad night (303)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels

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  (423): You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels http://tfl.nu/y9c9
  Replies (5) Good night (1013) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!

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  (910): Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome! (1-910): No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?! http://tfl.nu/r3ev
  Replies (16) Good night (1540) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.

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  (410): Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body. http://tfl.nu/22zp
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?

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  (503): And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps. (971): Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi? http://tfl.nu/bulj
  Replies (4) Good night (820) Bad night (216)

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