Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize