making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
