watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
