he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
