So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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