I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
