So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
