Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
