he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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