every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
