i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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