hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
