May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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