Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
