Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
