Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
