I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
