I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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