I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you inspire me to be a worse person
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
