OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
