After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
