Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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