I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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