Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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