apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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