I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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