i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
