He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
