I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
