If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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