You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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