Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
