Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
