Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
