just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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