My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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