my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
