I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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