so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
