Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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