Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
