My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
