frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
