And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
