my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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