he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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