I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
