My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
