Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
