Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
